Stop The Cycle Of Abuse
You were beaten because there's a dirty dish in the sink or because he came home again drunk and high. You were beaten when he was sober; his accuse you just got in his way. He blackened your eyes because he didn't agree with something you said. He punched you in the stomach and your were pregnant with his child. Last night he snapped because dinner was a minute late, then he smashed you upside the head with a plate for a comment he didn't like.
He pushed you down a flight of stares because you tried to breakup with him, then after you tried to make up with him he beat you again. You have been hit more than once because your man claims you ``pushed his buttons''. Do you not know that you brought this abuse all on yourself by not seeing how stressed he was. Do you not realize you add to his stress? What were you thinking? This is your entire fault right? Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!
This is not your fault and you do not have to be a volunteer. Is the above life the life that you are living? Is this the life you want for yourself or for your children? Why is it that this is the year 2005 and we still have a society that allows family's to abuse their love ones? Stop asking why woman stay, but ask society why batters get away with this? How far does it have to go before we stop the cycle of abuse? How far does it have to go before you as a woman stop playing the role of victim and volunteer?
Research has shown that one in ten women is abused by their partner. Twenty percent of victims murdered are women killed by their spouse?s .In 50 percent of homes where abuse occurs, the children are also being abused. Many believe that abuse is limited to welfare families, this is false. Woman from all walks of society are abused.
Women suffer alone for a long time because they are scared of telling anyone that they are being abused. The typical pattern of abuse starts over a period of time in your relationship tension, frustration and anger builds up in him. After an abuse he apologizes and promises to never do it again. You want so much to believe that he is sincere and you want to believe that he will change.
Therefore you forgive him and you admit that it was your fault and you should not of upset him. So you make amends, until the next time he is angry and you push those buttons once again.
There are forms of abuse that are not visual emotional pain and emotional abuse can be just as damaging to your life. Is he constantly controlling you, constantly putting you down? Do you hear things like "your no good", ?who would love you."," your to fat"," your to skinny"," do something with yourself" ?your stupid?. Why do you stay in an abusive relationship? Well for many reasons. You would like to believe your husband or partner when he tells you I'm sorry and I will never hit you again or I promise I will change and most of all I love you . But let?s face it this isn't love however it is the only love you have come to know and the only love that you believe.
Leaving a marriage or relationship and starting out on one's own is very difficult and frightening. I know I have been down that road. Taking that first step is going to be the hardest step you will ever have to take. Why is it so difficult to walk away? You fear being alone, despite the way he treats you, you love him or you fear he may harm you more if you leave.
I am telling you the battering will non stop, and there are alternatives for you. Assistance and help is available. You might think that you are alone in all of this but your not. Do not wait until the next time he is angry to leave him. If you do not have a friend or family member with whom you can stay with where you'll be safe and cannot afford a motel, there are shelters that you can go to. The police if you request them will escort you out of the home and take you to any place you want to go.
If there are no shelters for you in your community the Salvation Army may be able to provide temporary assistance by setting you up in a motel room. If you have no money you can apply for financial support (welfare) at any social assistance office. If you are forced to leave the home for your protection and you have children, I suggest contacting a lawyer as soon as possible, so that you may claim custody of the children.
"Stalking" laws are now part of the Criminal Code. If you fear for your safety and he is repeatedly following you from place to place, communicating with you, watching your home or workplace, and threatening you contact your local police. Police are required to lay a charge if they have reason to believe that you have been beaten or harassed.
The following are some shelters in Canada.
...Women and Children's Shelter 115 Edge hill Drive Barrie, ON L4N 1L9 TEL: (705) 728-6300 1-800-461-1716 (crisis/urgency)
...Three Oaks Foundation P.O. Box 22162 Belleville, ON K8N 5V7 TEL: (613) 967-1416 (613) 966-3074/5 (crisis & urgency TTY)
... Family Crisis Shelter P.O. Box 32008 Cambridge, ON N3H 5M2 TEL: (519) 653-2289 (519) 653-2422 (crisis/urgency) 1-800-410-4482 (crisis/urgency)
...Kingston Interval House P.O. Box 21042 Kingston, ON K7L 5P5 TEL: (613) 546-1833 (613) 546-1777 (crisis/urgence) 1-800-267-9445 1-800-267-0533 (crisis/urgency)
...Women's Place of South Niagara Inc. 5017 Victoria Avenue Niagara Falls, ON L2E 4C9 TEL: (905) 356-3933 (905) 356-5800 (crisis/urgency)
...Harmony House 55 Eccles Street Ottawa, ON K1R 6S3 TEL: (613) 233-3386
...YWCA Women's Shelter P.O. Box 93647 Station "H" Toronto, ON M4C 5R4 TEL: (416) 693-7342
...Women in Transition House, Fredericton, NB TEL:(506)459-2300 ...Ad sum House 2421 Brunswick Street Halifax, NS B3K 2Z4 TEL: (902) 423-5049 (902) 429-4443 (crisis/urgency)
...Rainbow Residence P.O. Box 8 O'Leary, PEI C0B 1V0 TEL: (902) 859-8849
...Iris Kirby House P.O. Box 6208 St. John's, NF A1C 6J9 TEL: (709) 722-8272
...National Domestic Violence Hotline USA TEL:1-800-333-7233 If you are in a abusive relationship please don't wait until its too late Call 1-800-ENDABUSE.for a shelter near you.
Please take that first step as a survivor of domestic abuse I can tell you that you are not alone.
About the Author: Rose DesRochers
Rose is a published author and web columnist from Canada Ontario and she is also the founder of Today's Woman a community for men and women over 18, where writers/poets/columnists meet and exchange ideas, contest, rate and review and help each other succeed in the writing industry.