The Power Of Forgiving
I was a freshman college student then and buying school stuff when I bumped into an old high school mate, Andrea. My excitement is always on red alert every time I get connected from someone in my past alma mater that I neglected the fact that she and I were merely acquaintances. I overlooked the point that both of us were once officers of two opposing organization and even asked her to have lunch with me, which she readily agreed. I thought at that precise moment that I made a huge improvement out of myself.
And so we did have lunch. It's quite awkward at the beginning not knowing what to say. Because I was studying here in the city and she's enrolled in our province, I'm the one who kept on mentioning the names of our schoolmates. And I, being the forever talkative, attempted to chat about the former times in where members of our respective clubs compete against each other. And with an outmost relief she engaged in the conversation nonchalantly. Or so I thought.
After a while, I suddenly found myself under attack. Out of the blue, she launched a long list of everything that bothered her about me and my stupid org-- as what she fondly called us. And the left me, totally bewildered and blushing.
When sanity returned I was into the verge of screeching as loud as I can. In my mind, I called her every foul name I can think of. I reached out to all my friends and they kept on telling me to stay calm and just forget about the incident.
Forget!? How could I? I spent several months fuming. Every time I recalled the incident my blood boiled. Every time I hear her name, my heart pounded and I'd I get tense that I literally felt sick. I was hurt, confused and I can't forgive her. And it was unlikely of me to hold grudge against someone for a long time.
And then one memorable event changed my principles in life drastically. A very dear friend died and during his funeral mass, a line from the Lord's Prayer struck me: "Forgive those who trespass against us".
And then I started to recollect the events that day that led her to say those nasty things about us. And I realized that I haven?t thought much about her feelings. Instead of asking her what went wrong with our conversation, I hastily made a conscious decision not to forgive-- and forget-- and feel absolutely no guilt about it. I condoned and didn't try to understand what led to her outburst. And somehow I knew I was partly to be blamed.
Soon, when I'm all alone I was repeating the words, "I'm willing to forgive, I?m willing to forgive", aloud like a mantra. And then the closure came when I went to my former university to pay a visit. I saw Andrea. Instead of turning away, I told her how profoundly she had hurt me. She listened and cried but didn't apologized.
Then I surprised myself. I asked for forgiveness for harbouring anger and hatred against her for so long. And as I spoke, I realized I'd forgiven her.
The effect was overpowering. MY heart felt light and warm. We didn't attempt to become more than acquaintances but now when I hear her name, I can breath calmly.
Forgiveness can be striking. And while you can't amend the past, confronting unresolved issues and the people behind them can lead into a happier and peaceful tomorrow.
About the Author: currently wishing for a miracle... ::::D