Living in a world of friendship and love is never easy. You are afraid to fall in love with your friend or to show deeper affection, for he or she might think a different meaning. You may have a phobia of losing a friend if you pursue courting him or her. But what if you really love the person, your friend and someone is courting that person, would you let him or her be with another individual?
I have been in that scene and I fear to be there again not because I lose the love I want to show but the possibility of losing a true friend.
It happened in a year of friendship and love, the year when the friendship evolved into tender passion.
I am a guy of weirdness, nobody take my attempts seriously. I make myself a joke. I am expert in transforming certain conversations into funny lines and punch lines. I can motivate anybody to laugh and be funny; in short, I characterized myself as a friendly person.
I have a lot of friends, and one of them was Anne. She was one of the closest friends I had. She knew all my secrets, met my family and my relatives. We had been together since childhood in fact; we were teased to be lovers because of our immeasurable closeness which I wished to be true. Anne and I were classmates in grade school until high school (just imagine how long I?ve been dreaming of her). All her lovers come across me before going straight to Anne, asking pieces of advice and hints on how to impress my friend.
For me, as a secret lover, I drive them all to fear, telling them that Anne is a social climber with strict parents that demands a self-owned car and a Forbes house in exchange for Anne?s hands. I enjoyed fooling her suitors not until James showed up. He was guy a girl could crave for, a dancer, a transferee and a guy-next-door type. James was strike by Anne?s looks and personality which drove him to court Anne. He did not consult me before meeting Anne. James was so serious with Anne. He bought stuffed toys, flowers arranged in first-class flower shops and chocolates which was sent directly from different parts of the universe. I had even tasted one of the chocolates and I find it annoying.
Anne, fortunately, is a person of inner soul and not a physical world addict so she still stayed untaken. James was fast. One day, he had his chocolates from America then, the next day from Australia and so on. I couldn?t put myself to rest every night. I keep thinking of Anne; what if she will accept James tomorrow or tonight? I was insomnious for that past weeks until I found the answers to my questions; I have to court Anne before James asks her again. Quickly, the next day I dressed up and spray the strangest perfume my brother gave me and leave as early as possible. While on the way, I complete fixing myself and practice my dialogue till I reached Anne?s house. She was sitting on their loveseat as if she was waiting for me.
She was shocked seeing me on that early morning even if; she was dressed up in a shopping outfit. I never wasted a bit of time as soon as I entered their living room. I held her hands and put it my heart and I began to express my feelings for her. She was speechless when I did those things. At first, I thought she would slap me or disappoint me but she did not; she just left me alone. As she leaves the doorway of their house, tears come dripping on the floor.
I don?t know if I?m the one crying or Anne, despite of wondering where the tears came from, I slowly left Anne?s house as if I am a zombie. After that incident, I never talked nor sit closer to Anne. I am scared to be confronted or to be laughed at. James, on the other hand, courts Anne still, busy bringing chocolates and flowers. I have been known to be a joke, and jokes are being laughed at. I never dared to interact with her in a way or another. I ignored her. I did lose a friend because of love I said to myself. I convinced myself to kill Anne in my heart and mind but I can?t. She is still wandering in my memories and life.
I can?t forget her. February came and I found the perfect time to converse with Anne. I called her up on the phone and asked her out. She was answering me with a shaking voice and she did accept my proposal. We met in a restaurant and talked. I told her everything that keeps me busy as if nothing strange took place not until we reached the topic of the incident that happened a couple of months ago. I repeated all my lines and gestures to show that I love her still.
I thought she will laugh at me or ask me ?Are you joking?? but she did not, instead; she slapped me so hard and tears came rolling under her eyes while saying, ?I hate you because you never followed me when I left you in my house. What?s the matter with you? Stop being an ignoramus! I love you! Do you understand?? I felt the words ?I love you? in my bones and muscles. I don?t know what to do. Then, tight arms covered me. She was hugging me. I just finally realized that I did lose Anne as a true friend, but I did gain a special one.
Loving is losing and gaining. I lost my friend but she became my life. Now, we lose someone but tomorrow, they might be our life. Anne and I is now living quietly in a strange world where everyone knows, the Planet of Love, the HEART.
About the Author: Tristan is a senior student of Lambunao National High School in Lambunao, Iloilo. He is the editor in chief of THE SEARCHER, the official publication of the school. He is also one of the recipients of GOLDEN PEN AWARDS given to outstanding young campus writers. He is a singer, extemporaneous speaker, dancer and actor.